Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Rules For When a White Person Can Say "Nigga"


Yesterday I had some serious LOLPEEING at Jay Mohr's impression of Tracy Morgan.

"I miss my daughter with the doo doo pamper." Hilarious.

Striking though, was that Jay Mohr said the word nigga. Like twice or something. And I wasn't even offended. Thus, I felt it necessary to point out why it worked when he said it, and similar rules for when my caucasian brethren can say nigga.

**NOTE** I'm not about to get into a debate about whether or not it's appropriate to ever use the word. So if you want that battle, you should check iwanttoarguetheneverendingarguement.com.

Moving on.

Many white people have bemoaned the fact they can't say nigga. Let me put it to you like this: you have a fat sister. You tell your sister she's fat. That's ok. I call your sister fat. You threaten to kick my ass. See the difference?

I can say nigga because I'm black. I'm in the family. You can't say nigga cause you're not black. You're not in the family.

However, there arises a few stray ocassions when you the white person can in fact say nigga. Here's how to pull off those situations with grace and class.

1. Repeating what someone (preferably black) said, excluding rap lyrics... most people look stupid repeating rap lyrics, but you will look especially dumb if you're yelling "ain't no nigga like the one I got" ridding down the pacific coast highway, blonde hair blowing.

2. If you're going to use it, don't sound fearful, say the word with confidence. When you sound scared, you know you're wrong for saying it.

3. Also, don’t sound cocky, like you say it all the time. Your usage should be a firm yet unfamiliar handshake.

4. Never EVER pronouce it as niggER.

5. You can only say it 3 times, before you approach excessive use, and someone thinks you're enjoying it too much.

6. Don’t assume that one successful usage means universal access. It is the lunar eclipse of conversation, use it wisely.



1 comment:

  1. You are about to get a lot of lily-white asses beat!

    ReplyDelete

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