Thursday, February 25, 2010

After the Rapture Pet Care

1. How do you get non-believers to sign up to help you with something that they essentially don't believe in?
2. You can just hear those pets thinking "I didn't sit through hours of the The PTL Club to get left behind! This is some B.S.!"
3. Hey micro-managing Christians - Matthew 6:26. Heck, just read the whole chapter. I think God would do a decent job looking after Fluffy, 'mkay?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Question of the Day

Is it bad that celebrities are so self-righteous, entitled, and trend obsessed to only adopt foreign babies, or is it awesome that in 20 years there'll be a completely diverse and interesting crowd of semi-famous drug addicts and alcoholics?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Ugly Furniture

This reminds me of a childhood spend in "moderne" furniture stores when my parents' decorating aesthetic used to skew Jetson's city house meets knick knack paddy craps from Gulliver's Travels. At one time our house was populated by silk plants that looked like foliage replicas from the forest moon of Endor. To this day I hate leather couches, and if you've ever tried to sleep on one in the summer (or winter for that matter), you would too.

Friday, February 19, 2010

30 Questions for "da internetz"

1. You hate Facebook? Why come you got so many photos/comments/status updates?
2. Can you stop typing like a 13 year old with a flip phone? No, we won't "cum ovr". ick.
3. Why are you still poking people?
4. Why haven't you responded to my poke?
5. Will you find a better place to take pictures than your bathroom?
6. Doesn't Twitter contradict the hood saying - don't talk about it, be about it?
7. Did social networking make you feel important, if only for 140 characters?
8. Don't you miss the days when people used to be famous for having talent?
9. Shouldn't Facebook allow you the option to let people know when you don't want to be their friend?
10. Do you need a social networking publicist?

11. Why are you still typing with two fingers? Shouldn't you know the keys by now?
12. When are you going to get off Facebook?
13. When are you going to let your kids join Facebook?
14. Should people put directions for their social networks into their wills?
16. How soon’ till Google opens a bank?
17. - you mad at Facebook?
18. - you mad at Facebook?
19. - usted enojado en el Facebook?
20. When was the last time you checked your Blackplanet page?
21. You know Twitter’s just a fancy chat room, right?
22. When you going to update your Myspace?
23. Do you feel special for realizing that Myspace was crap and thus never making an account?
24. You took a shirtless picture in the bathroom? Why?
25. Who makes those annoying apps that give people pillows, drinks, venereal diseases, and cats on Facebook?
26. How can we punish them?
27. Mac vs. PC :: Bloods vs. Crips?
28. You know that red squiggly line means the word is spelled wrong, right?
29. Have you seen what kids are doing on Youtube? WTF?(
30. Is that supposed to be you in your profile picture?

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Black History Month Fails

I saw an ad on a bus for Black History Month, sponsored by Heineken. It was asinine. Luckily, Steven Colbert already adequately addressed the issue.
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Celebrate Black History Month With Heineken
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorSkate Expectations

Also, thank you Facebook for this ad I always see:


Why the black baby got to be the love child, huh? HUH? For the record, I think...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

And the moral of the story is... believe a man's shirt

1. If a person wears a shirt that says "I Am A Motherfucker" trust and believe them.
2. Movie lines can apply to real life.
3. Bus bench ads are great sources of irony.

You ain't got no news... but we got that B-Roll!

This just in... the news is formulaic.

But hey - we got that B-Roll! (via

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Prince: Genius At Work

I'm going to be honest - judging by my itunes play count, I love Prince more than I love MJ. I know you can love them both, but ever since I caught wind of the MJ vs. Prince parties I always knew who's side I was on. Apparently this might have been a real life rivalry, if only one-sided ("he played like helen keller." I love it). Regardless, every Halloween I conspire to be in some Prince-inspired costume, like Morris Day and the Time or Vanity 6. It never happens, but still - from the clothes, to the ass-less chaps, to the overtly sexual lyrics, Prince is an icon. So of course I was thrilled when these vids of Prince's practice sessions started to surface, especially performing one of my favs, 17 Days.

I love his arrogant rooster strut. It's always the little ones...

Friday, February 12, 2010

Dark Moon: Where Sensitive Vampires Reside

I haven't even seen New Moon (nor am I interested), but I enjoy men in trees, so partake!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Cats for Coffee, and other Animal News

It seems someone at Vice is as obsessed with cats as I am. After Stoner Cat comes an article on the latest trend in Japan - Cat Cafes. Apparently lots of apartment buildings in Japan don't allow for pets unless your married with a family, which leaves for an entire population of shy and lonely 30-somethings without the means to manifest their inner cat lady. Thus, the cat cafe. Read more about this fascinating trend at Vice. [For the record, I am physically incapable of becoming a cat lady, as I am actually highly allergic. Ironically, my sister loves cats and we had five throughout my childhood. You can't live with that many cats without developing a fascination for those stuck up furballs. Especially when one decides to torture you, as my sister's evil cat Aladdin used to do me. However, karma is a bitch, and Aladdin died alone in a closet. Natural causes, or something. The end.]

Also, in keeping with cute animal news, famous DC area panda Tai Shan got shipped back to the breeding grounds of China. I don't really know who that panda is, but I did find this video of baby Tai Shan (TyShaun? Forreal?) sneezing that is absolutely hilarious. That panda was fully enjoying her rice cake.

If you need a good cry, here's an oldie but goody of Christian the lion being reunited with his former owners in the wild, set to Whitney's "I Will Always Love You." Let it all out, nice and slow.

Finally, there's Googling, and then there's Googling With Kittens. Note the difference.

A Little Bit Of Awesome: Axe Cop

As someone with a four year old brother, I know how hard it can be to connect to little kids sometimes. So when I heard about Ethan and Malachai Nicolle I immediately related to the story (except theirs is probably 10 times more awesome). Ethan is a 30 year old comic book artist, and Malachai is his 5 year old brother. Together they created Axe Cop, and comic series written by 5 year old Malachai, and illustrated by  his big brother. The result is heartwarming (brothers, aww!) and hilarious (it is a direct snap shot of the mind of a 5 year old). Read episodes of the comic here.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Questions For Celebrities

Joe Jonas: At what point do you say, "Crap, I know what this look is missing... a rolled up bandana head warmer!" Also - "Tassles! It needs tassles!"

Amanda Bynes: There's sexy and then there's slutty. By posing for Maxim, which one do you think you accomplished?

While everyone's busy debating the sexualities of Ciara and Lady Gaga, I'd like to point out Justin Bieber -  young lesbian? More men who look like lesbians here.

 Lady Gaga: Do you ever feel bad for the people who have to sit behind you?

Nicole Ritchie: Was it incredibly weird to give birth to yourself?

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The DAY (and Night) Shift

When I'm not here, you can find me:
Teaching High Schoolers How to Cuss Without Cussing
Reminding Women It's OK to Call Yourself the F-Word
Making Sure the Baby Stays Phat


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