Friday, April 9, 2010

The Art of Procrastination

Stage 1: Realize you have something to do. Yes, you have something very important to do.

But not now.

Now you must:
1. Get a snack.
2. Check your Facebook.
3. Check Your Gmail.
4. Check Your Twitter.
5. Check Your Favorite blogs.
6. Go to the Bathroom.
7. Check You Facebook.
8. Update your status to say "really busy!"
9. Give Someone's FB status the Thumbs Up.
10. Wish You Could Give someone the Thumbs Down.
11. Check Your Gmail.
12. Check Your Twitter.
13. See if there's any new posts on your favorite gossip blog.
14. Get a drink of water.
15. Vow to start working in five minutes...

Stage Two: Ok, play time is over, it's time to work. Let's be productive! Let's get it done!

So then you:

1. Work for five minutes.
2. Realize how much it sucks.
3. Decide you need motivation.
4. So you check your Facebook.
5. And email.
6. And Twitter.
7. And favorite gossip blog.
8. This is kinda work, right? Like we're looking for inspiration.
9. Ok no, lets get serious.
10. Work for 20 minutes. Wow! 20 whole minutes! You deserve a break.
11. Stretch.
12. Get a snack.
13. Check your email.
14. Open up sale emails, and start to shop online.
15. Check your bank account balance.
16. Go ahead and buy some of those things you saw online.
17. Gchat a friend and tell them what you bought.
18. Update your Twitter status to "Gettin' it done!"

Stage 3: Oh shit. The icy fingers of deadline are upon you.

1. Panic. How could I be so dumb?
2. Work frantically.
3. Plead with God.
4. Work frantically.
5. Contemplate the worse case scenario.
6. Work frantically.
7. Try to come up with a believable excuse as to why you are past the deadline.
8. Work frantically.
9. Promise God that if he helps you through this, you'll never procrastinate again.
10. Work frantically.
11. Fight back tears.
12. Work frantically.
13. Have a breakdown in the bathroom.
14. Work frantically.
15. Change your Gchat status to read "stressed out."

Stage 4: It is a Christmas Miracle. You have, by the grace of God alone, made the deadline. You were going to promise to never procrastinate again... but you forgot when you were updating your Twitter.

If you've read this whole post, congratulations, you have wasted a sufficient amount of time. As a reward, here's some more websites to visit so you can put off doing what you're really supposed to do.

Buzz Feed

LOL Catz
Superuseless Superpowers 

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