Wednesday, May 26, 2010


When Brown first walked into the courtroom he said to his lawyer, Adam Reisman, "I'm tired of your bulls---." His hair was styled exquisitely, with wavy strands curled on his forehead and a long thin ponytail hanging over his shoulders.

This is real. This really happened. He really exists.

But the real question is... who's going to do his hair in prison????? There's no way he fashioned that "bang" by his own talent.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Give Your Kids Some Nasty Candy and Watch What Happens

I kind of love that there's a new subculture of parents who do ignorant shit to their kids for their own entertainment. Gives me hope for my future.

However, if this practice leads to your kids becoming teen werewolves (they do exist!), then I guess I want out :(
But really, what's the deal with all the warhead videos? That candy is horrible!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Is Your House Safe From Velociraptors?

I love dinosaurs with short arms (see my avatar) and Jurassic Park, so this comic warms my heart. Coincidentally, I size up houses for the likely hood that an alien spaceship could land in any adjacent fields.*


*I'm not kidding.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Mark Ronson's Circuit Breaker

I love Mark Ronson, and even though I couldn't say I fully enjoy this song, corresponding with the video its definitely a win. I miss old 8-bit video games. I'm bout to go download Chip's Challenge now.

Monday, May 17, 2010

A Very Real Question of The Day: Facebook Edition

I'm going to go ahead and admit it right now off top - this post is ageist. I'm very sure this will come back to bite me on my ass when I'm "grown and sexy" (as old ppl who think they're young tend to say) but right now I've got age and ignorance on my side and I'm rolling with it.

Now for the question(s) - Do you friend older people on Facebook? Specifically older family members?

This is a question that greatly distresses me, and that I've debated before. It's just that as Facebook becomes more ubiquitous and the online population expands, there's always those awkward gaps in internet culture, like when Myspace people make the jump and they start writing "thanks 4 da add" or your page, or when newbies get a little overzealous with the silk pillow wall posts. Things get lost in translation on Facebook if you're not really familiar with the person, like the time when I "got engaged" to a friend* on Facebook and my parents started fielding phone calls of congratulations. I realized then that just because someone is your Facebook friend doesn't mean they actually get you as a person (duh).

Which brings me to my current situation. My dad's sister requested me as a Facebook friend about a month ago. As of now, for the record, "I forgot/don't see it/aren't on it that much/any other good excuse to not friend her." However I fear the day when I'm going to have to address the issue head on and face to face. Anyone who's my friend knows my page isn't explicit, it's just that its often filled with humor that may be lost on more than one person. I'm ok with people not getting it, I'm just not into explaining it if you don't. I plan on continuing to ignore her request, but when it comes down to it should I friend her or tell her the truth and risk hurting her feelings? Is there an obligation to friend family on social networks? I need to know the rules of netiquette.

*This friend is gay, and the picture that showed up in the news feed when it was "announced" was of him sitting on my lap, full glossy lips. Why anyone would take that seriously is beyond me, but smarts are rarely distributed equally.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Not So Artful Holler

Having resided in DC and now New York for four years each, I will say that DC is probably one of the worse places in the world to get hollered at on the street. I have been cussed out, had food thrown at me, and called everything but a child of God simply because I didn't respond when someone tried to holler. Mind you, I'm not a rude by any stretch of the imagination, but in DC you learn early on to say "no thank you" as opposed to ignoring the men. Surprisingly, living in Harlem I've experienced nothing but the most pleasant street game ever. Most times dudes just say things like "god bless you ma" which I'm always game for. Years in DC scarred me though, I hold my breath in anticipation of a cuss out when I tell a dude he can't walk with me. Sad the ignorance is only getting worse.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Subconscious DJ Song of the Morning: 702 "Steelo"

My subconscious is DJ, and these are songs that either a. I hear in my dreams, b. get randomly stuck in my head in the morning, c. pop into my head after a poignant moment. It rarely makes any sense how these songs come about in my head, but its always entertaining to go crate digging with my subconscious.

Reflecting on retro slang this morning (a disorder I suffer from periodically), I thought of the word steelo, which thus popped 702's Steelo into my head. My sister was a cheerleader in high school and helped choreograph a routine to this "banger" so here's looking at you Dr. Wood.

Also - where is 702 now??

Monday, May 10, 2010

This is Why You're Single...

Because you won't buy the Better Marriage Blanket to take care of that nighttime flatulence problem. Selfish.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Things I Can't Stop Staring At: Burnt Bra Edition

After my last post, this one goes out to all my liberated ladies.

1. I've been obsessed with Robyn since she came back on the US scene in '08 with her eponymous album. She was on Royksopp's last album, and was featured on two songs on my mini-mixtape.
2. In this video, she literally dances like it's 1988, finishing with arm flourishes that remind me of 7th Heaven. I'm stunned by the accuracy.
3. She's wearing a shorts unitard.
4. Her ears are pointed.
5. Her teeth. Something about them are strangely alluring, like dentures.
6. About the unusual song, Robyn said
"People expect things of you, like kids and like marriage, and I found myself just thinking of that a lot while making this record, so the song is about that in a way, but it’s also fun. I’m playing around with the concept of being a woman, and what it means to physically be able to carry kids, but at the same time that’s not always what you see yourself as."


For a close 2nd here's Beyonce. I dig the visuals. If you like the 60's pop update sound, you should check out Mark Ronson's Version. Grrreat album.

pps - yes, that's "show me love" Robyn.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

New Solutions to The Single Black Women "Crisis"

Newsflash: according to the media, it sucks to be a black woman. Correction – it sucks to be a single and successful black woman. Why? Because she can’t find a man, duh. The media started beating this dead horse back in December with a piece on Helena Andrew’s forthcoming book of essays “Bitch is the New Black,” and then built up it’s case with the tired suggestion of black women dating white men. New shots were fired stating that not only did half of black women having herpes, but also that we had a collective median wealth of $5. As a new contender in this tired debate, The Economist decided to revert back to this favorite – black women are single because black men are in jail. However, my award for “You Weren’t Really Trying, Were You?” goes to ABC's Nightline, for their ankle-deep town hall of sorts aptly titled “Face-Off: Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find A Man?”

Here’s the deal – the state of black women is apparently a real problem. I mean, if we’re not married, we’re doomed, right? But the conversation is so cyclical, and so dead end! Why don’t people talk about other solutions to the single and successful black woman crisis? For example:

Girl on Girl Action – That’s right, I said it. There may not be enough men, but there are plenty of women. Maybe we’ll get all Jurassic Park-y and “nature will find a way” to make babies from two ladies.

Big Love – Not enough men? Share a man! Let’s go ahead and adopt polygamy.

Cat Ladyism – If you can’t get a man, get a cat. Or 2. Or 3. Accumulate as many as you can until Animal Control comes for you. It’s going to be a long and lonely life, better get some furry companions.

Be Dumb – Seriously, this one seems obvious, and I’m shocked that no one’s mentioned this one before. If men are intimidated by your degrees and success, LIE ABOUT THEM. Duh. Who cares if you graduated suma cum laude, degrees don’t keep you warm at night chile! Matter of fact, if you are in school right now, drop out, and you won't have to lie. Stop being so ambitious, being smart and stuff. Get on Kanye’s workout plan, and perhaps one day you too could be Amber Rose.

Locked Up and In Love – Again, obvious. They always say to go where the men are, and we now know that prison is a veritable OASIS of men. It’s like a long distance relationship, except the distance is also over time as well. But hey, you don’t have to worry about other women pressing up on him, and with conjugal visits, you can finally get those babies you always wanted.

Go Blasian – People are always trying to press black women to date white men, but you know who’s really looking for women? Asian men. Rumor has it no one's really trying to date them either, so why don’t we get like the last two kids in gym class and partner up already.

Be Single and Content – Whoa whoa. That must have been a typo. Freudian slip maybe. It’s just that, your life isn’t complete until you’re married with kids right? It’s what we all live for, right? Because once you get that ring everything is a breeze, and screw those pesky statistics about the divorce rate, what we all really need is to find someone, anyone, anything with a pulse to strap into this ride of life with us. Desperation is the perfect scent for long-term relationships, and mixed with the fear of being alone, you’ll be sure to land your first divorce in no time.

And that was the obligatory rant of the month.


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