Thursday, September 30, 2010

Aziz Ansari does R. Kelly

So many quotables, so little time.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Woman Seeks Baby To Breastfeed

I know, that is crass. I get away from myself sometimes.

But breastfeeding burns up to 500 calories a day?! Well I'll skip over that 9 months of pregnancy and go straight to the breastfeeding ma'am.

Related: Why does this commercial look cheap and fake? What's up with that awful techno in the background?

Finally: I've developed some creepy patterns on my blog related to marriage, dating, porn, religion, and babies. Expect a monster truck post soon.

Monday, September 27, 2010

How To Procrastinate - The Movie

Happy Monday. As a frequent procrastinator, I've written on the proper way to procrastinate before, however I'm proud to present "Procrastination: The Movie." Unfortunately I cannot claim this work as my own (credit goes to Johnny Kelly), however it is brilliant, and summarizes how Mondays tend to work in the lives of millions of people across the world.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Whale's Hard Knock Life Ends in San Diego Projects

Ok, So kinda not really. But kinda!

A killer whale died Tuesday afternoon at SeaWorld, prompting the cancellation of whale shows at the park, officials told 10News.

According to SeaWorld officials, trainers noticed that the whale named Sumar was not feeling well on Monday. Veterinarians were notified and blood samples were taken.

Despite being given antibiotics, Sumar's condition worsened Tuesday and he was declared dead shortly before 1:45 p.m., park officials said.

C'mon son, we all know this whale committed suicide. Sumar's mother attacked him when he was just a calf, so they had to be separated and he was basically raised an orphan. To make matters worse, guess who Sumar's daddy was?? Tilikum, the orca who put the "killer" in "killer whale," most recently killing a trainer in Orlando back in February. For the record, this was his third homicide!! However Sea World officials keep him on because he's a male whale good for impregnating the ladies.

I've been obsessed with Tilikum since his February murder, and I swear every captive whale drama can be traced back to that mofo. But even prior to that my opinion of captive sea mammal attractions and amusement parks like Sea World soured when I saw the documentary The Cove. The film focuses on the particularly inhumane and corrupt kidnapping and murder of thousands of dolphins in an area in Japan, and if you watch it you will never go to Sea World or anything like it again. The things we humans do to other animals for entertainment. It's just plain cruel.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Human Pac Man Game

The best part about this is the guy singing all the music. Hilarious!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

World's Smallest Cow

I am OBSESSED with small versions of real life things. I've always been like that - as a kid I had a dollhouse, and even though I never played with it, it was still in my possession. One of my favorite places to visit was Tivoli's Miniature World, which is basically small versions of real life monuments and tourist attractions. It is as breathtaking and exciting as it sounds, so I hate to crush your world and tell you that it closed a few years back, but I had to catch you before you booked those tickets to Niagara Falls to visit right away.

Anyways. I want this cow.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Twenty Something, Unmarried, and OK

I am in my twenties, an age in which media has been fascinated recently. New York Times Magazine recently did a multiple page article titled "What is it about 20 Somethings?". Apparently our problem is that we're not growing up as fast as previous generations, creating another stage in development being called "emerging adulthood." Of the five milestones sociologist mark as the transition to adulthood, one of the stages my generation tends to struggle with the most is marriage.

I myself am single, which is fairly common for a person in their 20s. This is pretty well known in my family. I don’t hide it, nor do I feel ashamed.

However amongst the many mysteries of time and space that occur after you turn 25, I have come to believe that my “single-ness” is now starting to make my family uncomfortable. Specifically, they want me to get married.

Read more HERE!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Settling The Pop vs. Soda Debate

Pop wins by a landslide!!


Friday, September 17, 2010

Win Friends and Influence People - Review a Strip Club

 If you want to win friends and influence people you should review a strip club. People love that. I reviewed a Bronx strip club on Yelp, and my online gangster has increased by leaps and bounds. See the hype below.

So, this is a departure from my usual yelping... but what can I say, I am a fan.

Now first, a disclaimer - I too, as a woman, was shocked and appalled upon being notified on my 1st visit that the cover was $30. $30?!?! Dear ma'am, I am a lady! I do not pay for the club whatsoever! Do you know how cute I am? How finely I am dressed on an evening such as this? The gall!

Me and my friends negotiated down to $20 per person, and after a very thorough frisk, we gained entry into the club. Once I was in, it dawned on me - being a girl in the strip club is like bringing sand to the beach. No wonder they were charging girls the same as guys (and I wouldn't be shocked if they charged ladies more) - this place is brimming with naked beautiful women, and the odds of me "making it rain" in this establishment is slim to none. So my presence is inconsequential at best, and a burden at most.

Once I figured out that this is probably one of the only places in NYC where being a cute girl won't get you far (that and the gay clubs), I settled in and had a great time tossing other men's money at the girls. Cause that's right, I ain't got no stripper dollas. And I might be triffling enough to pick up a few bills and stuff them into my own bra. Times is rough.

That said, I've been here for two different birthday parties and had a great time. I've found that if you are nice to the girls, they are nice to you, and the cocktail waitresses are always really friendly and fun. Plus these girls have talent! The tricks they do are amazing, it's like a hip hop cirque du soleil!

But be 'ye forwarned - bring plenty of cash, as their atm charges an astronomical $20 fee. WTF. That's my one complaint - they are truly wildin' on that tip.

Read about more crap I like HERE.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Murakami takes on Versailles

I love this. Artist Takashi Murakami was comissioned to create works for France's famed Ch√Ęteau de Versailles. See more photos HERE.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Black, Female, and Without God

It was her freshman year of college that Jeanetta Smith came to the conclusion that there was no God. "I started taking a Philosophy course and when the subject of God came up, I honestly didn't even know it was up for debate. The notion of there being 'no God at all' just completely threw me for a loop," 19-year-old Jeanetta explains. "But eventually, my mind broadened and I began to listen. For me, everything just made more sense without a God."

As Jeanetta began to explore her new beliefs she started a YouTube channel to give voice to a nearly invisible population of atheists -- African-American females. Jean's Take is a web series where Jeanetta openly discusses her beliefs with other YouTube users. Her channel has grown in popularity and now has over 2,000 subscribers. Yet despite her outspoken views online, there was one important group of people who didn't know about Jeanetta's beliefs - her parents.

"I really was unsure of how I would bring it up. I was thinking something along the lines of 'The next time she asks me if I want to go to church with them, I'll break it to them right then & there.' I always ended up chickening out though," Jeanetta said.

She never got the chance to break the news herself. Instead, in her most popular YouTube video, Jeanetta shares the story of how her mother found out she was atheist via Facebook, and the subsequent silent treatment she had to endure while her mother dealt with the shock.

Read more HERE!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Mark Ronson Talks New Album

I'm not a huge fan of branded interview content, however I have a deep and abiding love for Mark Ronson, and this well executed video that gives insight into his creative process. For those who don't know Mark, he's responsible for the award winning sounds of Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen, and Wale. His second album, Version, went 3x platinum in the UK. Stateside you can anticipate his 3rd studio album, Record Collection, in September.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Happy Monday: Muppet Names

A little bit of nostalgia to start your week (even though you should have the day off). The Muppets were ruined for me when Nickelodeon aired a special on how they operate behind the scenes. Sure I was 14, but it was still at WTF moment.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Question of the Day: When is a "date" a DATE?

photo via
Recently I got into a debate of what constitutes a date. My personal rule - if he didn't pay, it's not a date. Now I know that sounds kind of gold digger-ish, but I sincerely believe if a man is not willing to spend some cash on you when first meeting/interacting with you, please do not assume his intentions to be anymore than friendship. And this isn't to say that a generous man won't pay for a meal with a friend every now and again, but most men I know guard their cash like a dog to it's bone.

That said, I know other people who think a simple kick-it session, like meeting up at a party or chilling at the house, is a "date." So what is a date? Is it determined by intention? Money? Does the definition vary by gender? And could you accidentally go on a date with someone and not know it?

Bonus question: for same sex daters, how does that work out?? I have the cozy benefit of old (outdated) and deep seated gender rules, but how does it work when you're gay or lesbian?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Glen Beck Restored Honor... To what exactly?

Similar to how crazy extremist Christians make it hard for others openly profess their religious beliefs, these narrow minded peeps make it hard to be an American. If they wanted to seceded from the union, I would enthusiastically support. Take the Dakotas. Ain't nothing going on over there.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Good News: Your Happy Meal Will Last the Apocalypse

Who doesn't love a happy meal? Not only is it timelessly classic meal, it apparently can also stand the test of time. Literally. NYC artist Sallie Davies bought a happy meal five months ago, set it out, and promised to take a picture of it everyday until it basically went bad. The scary part? McDonald's Happy Meals don't go bad. More than 100 days later the burgers and fries basically looked the same, if only a bit dehydrated. Gross.



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