Friday, September 3, 2010

Question of the Day: When is a "date" a DATE?

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Recently I got into a debate of what constitutes a date. My personal rule - if he didn't pay, it's not a date. Now I know that sounds kind of gold digger-ish, but I sincerely believe if a man is not willing to spend some cash on you when first meeting/interacting with you, please do not assume his intentions to be anymore than friendship. And this isn't to say that a generous man won't pay for a meal with a friend every now and again, but most men I know guard their cash like a dog to it's bone.

That said, I know other people who think a simple kick-it session, like meeting up at a party or chilling at the house, is a "date." So what is a date? Is it determined by intention? Money? Does the definition vary by gender? And could you accidentally go on a date with someone and not know it?

Bonus question: for same sex daters, how does that work out?? I have the cozy benefit of old (outdated) and deep seated gender rules, but how does it work when you're gay or lesbian?


  1. If a man doesn't pay, it's not a date. Fine. But him not wanting to spend money on you when he first meets you means he only wants friendship? You usually have interesting opinions and views on here but that has to be one of the simplest statements you've ever made (simple in the 1965 sense of the word).

    Your statement is wild gold diggerish and you're sounding like real a 49er. Don't be so concerned with the label on the first meeting, be more concerned with the experience. I've had a number of first meetings where no money was spent and both parties had a good time and we continued to date romantically afterwards.

  2. This post was actually an oversimplification of the idea. If you knew me, or anything about my dating life, you'd know that I have a propensity for dating broke artists. I too happen to be a broke artist, so I can't judge someone without funds. HOWEVER if you invite me out to eat, and then you suggest we go dutch... guess what?? that wasn't a date homeboy.



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