Monday, February 28, 2011

Drunken baby trashes bar

I hate it when a baby doesn't know how to hold her liquor. Grow up!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Excited or Worried: Hangover II Teaser trailer

Sequels can be a tough gamble...

Friday, February 25, 2011

Why I'm afraid to have kids

I've talked about the pregnancy fantasy before, but the truth of the matter is... I'm a little afraid to have kids.

It all started when my mom got knocked up my senior year of college. I guess it's not really knocked up when the father is your dad, but when your parents have a kid after a 19 year quiet spell it does beckon a small side bar about "using protection next time." Of course new life is exciting, blah blah, and indeed, I was excited to have a new edition to the family. I envisioned myself the pirate, and my new little sibling as the parrot. We would be simpatico, kindred spirits crossing this 21 year divide. I would teach him to be witty and irreverent, a small version of me I could mold to my own Frankenstein wishes.

But as always, the monster will turn against the master.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Adorable Abercrombie Meme

I. Love. It. That little boy is giving me so much right now.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


As if enduring death threats from angry hormonal tweens weren't enough, Grammy Award winner Esperanza Spalding had to incur another act of violence via Justin Bieber -- he touched her hair.

The two sat down with the Associated Press after Spalding's surprising Best New Artist win. The jazz musician showed the depth of her patience and character by bearing an interview with Bieber in the first place -- since when does the loser get more camera time than the folk who walked away with the award? But the awkward moment escalates to absolute cringe-worthy when the interviewer asks the pair "how do you feel about each other?" Bieber replies "I like you hair," patting Spalding's 'fro like a memory foam mattress.

Now I'm probably preaching to the choir on this one, but for the painfully uniformed and ignorant, please heed this simple PSA: DO NOT TOUCH A BLACK PERSON'S HAIR.

Read more at TheGrio!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

A Guide To Shopping At Forever 21

The pearly gates of bargain shopping heaven
 This isn't for my bougie bitches... this goes out to all my budget ballers. (To my male readers: Not only can you educate yourself on the shopping ways of your woman, F21 has a men's section, so these strategies can work for you too!)

Just got paid and looking to ball out? "It's friday and i'm ready to hang, head to Forever 21, and let me do my thang..."

Oh yea, Mc'in up in this bitch.

Forever 21 shopping sprees are like crack to a budget-loving shopper like me, because
a.) they have a huge selection and
b.) they have cheap prices.

Now of course there's a caveat to that - sometimes their quality can be disposable-level bad. BUT! If you are looking to buy something super super trendy, and therefor probably won't last longer than it takes for them to ring up your purchase, F21 is a good place to curb the shopping itch without feeling too broke. However, like all good things, shopping in F21 needs temperance and forebarence.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Trending: Dogs who are DJs

I know this is fake. But dammit if I don't like to pretend, at least for the first ten seconds, that it's real.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Enough with the advice from dudes to ladies

I like being a woman, I do. It helps me be a Kia, which I love.

But every few months it feels like media is gunning for me. And by me, I mean women. See, someone is apparently running a campaign called “it sucks being a woman,” and every few months he (or she) likes to remind me – hey lady, it sucks to be you.

Two "news stories" have my panties in a bunch (how funny, she made a sexist joke!) -

Item 1: Some bullshit study out of Australia that found "that Generation Y women are unable to master the chores their mothers and grandmothers did daily." And yes, I'm sure we'd also find that most people don't know how to clean a spittoon or change an axle on a horse-drawn carriage. It's called technology.

Item 2: This WaPo article about a black male blogger who is "a real-life "Hitch," a bachelor who has elevated his craft."

For clarity - I'm not really going to go in on this dude and his blog. I've never been a fan, but as a writer I have to respect his hustle - do what you do. Page views are completely optional.

Who I do take cause with is the writer, DeNeen L. Brown, who's job duties surely must entail turning tired black stereotypes into "news" stories. I mean, this is the writer who brought us such gems as single black women urged to date outside their race, and successful but lonely black women. It's no surprise that she's turned to "black man as player pimp" for another chapter in her encyclopedia of inane and useless black "facts."

WTF: Ted Haggard & family in a hot tub

Via Jesus Needs New PR, which I think says it all.

Read the full GQ article here.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Awww or Ewww: Puppy teaches baby to crawl

On one hand: I am consistently amazed at the challenges of being a baby. Like dude, you have no upper body strength, and you're trying to go mobile. That is some real Gold's Gym type shit a baby has to develop.

On the other: That bitch just dragged her vag across the carpet from which your baby is now eating non-descript findings. Ew.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The requisite "sorry for my absence" post

Ohhh bloggity bloggy blog blog.

This is a post that I have started to write at least 5 times prior, but I always stall.

The good news: I've been really busy writing for other people! The bad news: I've abandoned my home base. The question: how personal should I get? I’ve written about personal things in the past, but it’s usually fairly vague, or back when I was pretty sure only 4 people were reading this diddy. Now reposting other stuff takes up a lot of real estate here at ye' olde winke and gunne, however I know that's not necessarily dynamic or interesting, not to mention exciting for me (who has to semi-censor when writing for duckets). However, I'se scurred.

And I know it is incredibly boring to blog about if I should personal blog – it reminds me of my least favorite Nas verse EVAR, in which he spends the first few measures of Kanye’s “we major” rapping about what he should rap about (“Should I freestyle or write?” You should probably stop wasting my time, for starters.). But it’s a very real question for me, because in our heightened world of social networking, the private has become that much more of a hot commodity. I’m glad when I google “kia wood” I still come up with wood dash kits for kia cars. Anonymity is valuable, and letting people in can be a veritable pandora’s box. Who the hell knows what will happen – but I always find it super hypocritical when people want to get all quiet and secretive and try to leave aspects of their personal life off the table. Once you open up it’s hard to be selective about people want to know about you. Essentially, you asked for it.

I suppose I know I’m going to take the plunge. This post is more so to say – here goes nothing. I’m sensitive and scared, so be gentle. Also - say some mean shit to me and I swear to gawd I will release all the wrath I possess in my being. Vengeance is my strong card.


Gossip Girl

PS - but don't think this joint's about to get all ex-pose-zay on you - I'm a scorpio. Secretiveness is also my strong card.


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