Thursday, February 3, 2011

Enough with the advice from dudes to ladies


I like being a woman, I do. It helps me be a Kia, which I love.

But every few months it feels like media is gunning for me. And by me, I mean women. See, someone is apparently running a campaign called “it sucks being a woman,” and every few months he (or she) likes to remind me – hey lady, it sucks to be you.

Two "news stories" have my panties in a bunch (how funny, she made a sexist joke!) -

Item 1: Some bullshit study out of Australia that found "that Generation Y women are unable to master the chores their mothers and grandmothers did daily." And yes, I'm sure we'd also find that most people don't know how to clean a spittoon or change an axle on a horse-drawn carriage. It's called technology.

Item 2: This WaPo article about a black male blogger who is "a real-life "Hitch," a bachelor who has elevated his craft."

For clarity - I'm not really going to go in on this dude and his blog. I've never been a fan, but as a writer I have to respect his hustle - do what you do. Page views are completely optional.

Who I do take cause with is the writer, DeNeen L. Brown, who's job duties surely must entail turning tired black stereotypes into "news" stories. I mean, this is the writer who brought us such gems as single black women urged to date outside their race, and successful but lonely black women. It's no surprise that she's turned to "black man as player pimp" for another chapter in her encyclopedia of inane and useless black "facts."



I’ve come to believe this writer is endeared to a level of hyperbole and sensationalism meant to drive up her page views. Fair enough – I’ve pimped myself out every now and then. But come on now DeNeen. Isn’t there some alien conspiracy theorist you could be reporting on? Why not shake down the tree of “Asian relationship fears and phobias” and give black folk a rest? I’m sure they’d be just as eager to send you tons of page views, and black people could stop feeling like the minority scourge of the Washington Post. Stop pimping out our cultural stereotypes and insecurities to your employer – ESPECIALLY if you’re not going to add anything new to the conversation. Grab your fucking ovaries and stop playing your own gender like we’re a bunch of half-wits.

I guess what pissed me off the most is this whole "men as great advice givers" genre that is constantly being marketed to women (hello Steve Harvey), and this article just reinforces that. Instead of providing a more dynamic view of this particular male blogger, or even challenging his merit as a source of advice, she basically gives him a handjob and publishes the jizz - "Cummings, 29, wearing a black pin-striped shirt, is in full bachelor mode. Women confuse him with the singer Drake, and he takes that as a compliment." Um. Drake? Gurl. Plz.

There’s something extremely annoying about the “universally authoritative” voice of a man. A woman can say what’s wrong with women (not withstanding the obvious flaws in the comment as a whole) all day, but let a man say it – gospel. From his mouth to God’s ear, this man has unearthed the rosetta stone of dumb things to be reinforced.

Just the other day I was discussing with a woman whether or not men and women can be friends, and within her response she answered "I can't remember what Steve Harvey said on that." Um. No. If it's not a question about where to get the coolest 16-button suits, or what dentist to avoid, I could give a damn about Steve Harvey's thoughts. Having a dick makes you no more apt to give advice to ladies than visiting China makes you an expert on all things Chinese.

I could even stomach the male-to-female advice genre if the playing field was level, but that just isn't so. I’d love to see a headline touting that the average size of the male penis is shrinking, or that they’re less successful than their fathers, or any other stereotypical self-esteem target so men could squander over whether the media is spitting truth or just fucking with their subconscious. I’d love for a woman to write a book called Dude, you’ll never get a promotion or He’s just better than you, to play into “every man’s” stereotypical fear that they’re not Alpha-enough, that they won’t achieve the dreams, goals and merit markers spoon fed to them by society since they were old enough to hold a toy car. I’d love a news investigation into why men are softer, worse, slower, and weaker, and how it’s all their fault. I’d love for men to know that they can’t have it all.

Taking relationship advice from an eternally single man is like taking diet advice from a fat person - until I see successful results, your weak words are a theory at best. A self-professed player is more suited for advice on birth control options and STD detection, than being paraded as a "relationship expert." I fully support getting male advice, but I'll take it from people who have successfully navigated a relationship, thanks.

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