Friday, May 20, 2011

My rapture last will and testament

Draw me close to you Lord.

If the world does end this Saturday May 21, then I am pretty sure that I will be raptured up to Glory. In such case, I wanted to leave you heathens here on Earth with some good ideas to while away your time until the apocalypse is finished.

As buisiness options will be slim, and entertainment will be scare, I am bestoying upon you, the un-chosen, a wealth of fun ideas to help distract you from your coming eternity in hell. They are as follows:

1. Catsneedchrist.com - A website guiding pet owners how to get their animals to accept the love of Jesus Christ so they can be saved.

2. Babies VS. Puppies - a TV/web property in which you pit babies against puppies for the ultimate battle of cuteness. (There may not be babies after the rapture, in which case this idea should be forfeited. Please note - I already have bequeathed the tumblr, of which I own, to one of my favorite heathens.)

3. 1-800-WHI-NERS - Inevitably, there will be a lot of complaining once people figure out they've been left behind. This phone service will allow users hours of uninterrupted whining.

4. Eat the Baby - The first game show that finds out if a baby truly is cute enough to eat.

5. Historically Hot - A history show where you graphically recreate and imagine what respected historical figures looked like naked.

6. Tiny Time - A weekly talk show updating people on all things tiny. (I regret that I won't be around to host this. Please serve this idea the justice and respect it is due.)

 **Please note: If I'm still here on May 22, this whole post is null and void**

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