Thursday, September 29, 2011

Animal news: All your pets are fat

Your dog can't say no to seconds. Your cat is an emotional eater. Eating is the only way your hamster feels loved. Bad for your pets, but great for my entertainment. Over half of U.S. pets are over weight and it's an EPIDEMIC... of hilarity. I know, health is serious, blah blah, but fat pets just entertain me.

Filing a wrongful termination suit against the local fire department. He's got da'beedes. 

Eats to try to forget his alley cat days. He saw things that would make a grown man cry.

She's not big - she's big boneded. 

Caught snacking on fallen scraps at Marilyn's 50th birthday bash.

Is probably high.

Aspires to be the canine version of Rick Ross.

Fat, but still flexible. 

Monday, September 26, 2011

National Sisters Day

The knock-knee'd days. And the only time in life when my sister was bigger than me. 

There are two lies my sister Mimi told me when we were little:

1.       Clear ocean water is dirty, cloudy ocean water is clean.
2.       Never chew gum on the toilet, because bad things will happen.

I believed these two things for a very long time.

It took me an equal amount of time to really accept that they really weren’t true.

Because when you have an older sister, most things she says seems like gospel. 

When I was sad, Mimi would dance around stuffed animals to cheer me up. When we would play business (which, in case you don’t know, is the world’s most fun game that requires at least 4 people and two days to play),  Mimi would always have the best business (usually involving some type of stuffed animals), but would kindly help me come up with an equally good business.

When she was a teenager Mimi was a bit of a, *cough* *knowing side eye*, but when I followed her to college she was the best thing to prevent homesickness.

In short, Mimi has always made my life better.

One of the few times a pilgrim and a Native American actually got along. 

Few people know how to make me laugh like Mimi. We have shorthand that allows us to be silly and laugh until we cry and can’t breathe, or worse, until I pee (of which I am not proud, but if you make me laugh until I pee, then you are truly hilarious).

Fact is, having a sister is pretty awesome. They're the perfect playmates, and if you're lucky, they grow up to be dependable people you can turn to in times of need, coaching you through life's rough moments, and always finding a way to make you smile.

I love that people mistake us for one another other, and that in college, people would always recognize me as her sister. I knew her good reputation proceeded me.

To be dramatic, I worship my sister. To be simple, I've always looked up to her, and am so lucky that I got a good one.

So when it's her born day, I'm so happy that I've had another year to laugh, cry and play with her.

The life and times of a nose picker. Peep the apple computer yo!

Happy birthday, Milly-ki-ay! And I forgive you for those lies :)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

What I'm Obsessed with Right Now

1. Pinterest
Oh this is my happy place. Tuck me in a don't let me go. Pictures of food, far away lands, quotes to build you up, little animals to make you laugh. Pinterest has sustained me these past few weeks, a place I could go to unplug and dream about warm homecooked meals, crafts done with care, and beautiful places I might someday go. I'm obsessed. Follow me!

Sofrito chicken stew. I made this twice in 30 days. See #3.
2. Pictures of Food
Thanks to Pinterest. This may be one in the same with #1, but it is important enough to get it's own shout out. I have found a passion for pictures of delicious food, and fantasizing about what food in said pictures might taste like in real life.

3. Cooking
Get in my belly all you delicious pictures of food on Pinterest. My life was is some serious need of comfort food, and I've filled the hole with all types of delicious fattiness (and some healthy shit too).
Not to mention, cooking is how I love. When  I really care about people, I cook. Turtle has been needing a lot of love lately, so I've been cooking 2-3 times a week (I always aim for leftovers). I might probably will share some recipes, so get excited, k.

First it hurts, then you wake up in heaven.

4. TP Roller
Holy fucking stretching awesomeness. Goodbye soreness. I got put on to this joint at one of my random Gilt City workouts, and now I REFUSE to workout without it. Basically you roll on top of this thing after doing your workout. It looks harmless, but it actually is fairly painful, because it works in your muscle tendons and does some fancy science stuff with lactic acid or something. All I know is, where I used to have the sorest quads and hammies, I can now wake up in the am and my body's like, fuck yea, lets do that again. It is nothing short of a miracle worker, and anyone who suffers through tight legs should totally get one.

Please forgive this photoshop horror. Google images did the best he could.

5. Wine Lipstick
I keep thinking about Nia Long in Best Man, and how back then dark lips was totally in, and maybe it should come back. So I'm riding that wave.

Me on my way to work.

6. Reading on my iPhone
Ok ya'll. I'm super hyped to this new thing called an iPhone, and you can read on it and shit, and it's really awesome. I know, I'm hella late. But OMG, my commute is much more awesome because of instapaper, kindle, and pdf reader. AAAAAND I can read send me a story (shout to the black chinaman), a very awesome online service that just sends you awesome non-fiction stories. Of the awesomeness I've read lately - elephants raping rhinos in Africa, Sasha Grey at 18, everything you need to know about crowd crush, and an interview with Steve Jobs from 1988 Playboy. As a purveyor of random information, this is EXTREMELY awesome for me. awesomeawesomeawesome.  a

Monday, September 19, 2011

The cutest old people ever

Did I tell ya'll my 76 year old Granny joined Facebook? And "the Twitter"? And has a red convertible? And a boyfriend? Yea, she's a sassy old biddy.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Lions aren't sassy

I spent yesterday night watching new TV shows on Hulu.

In short:
Up All Night - Yay!
New Girl - Oh Zooey. I'm really not sure about you, but ok.
Free Agents - Nice try, probably not.

However, best line of the night has to go the Natasha Leggero of Free Agents, who plays an administrative assistant with a lot of attitude.
When her boss, played by Hank Azaria, asks her to turn down the "sass," she smartly replies -

"It's not sass, this is how it is. Lions don't eat deer because they're sassy." 


Oh, and yes, hello, long time no see :)


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