Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Quarters, nickels, dimes, pennies for everyone!

My type of cat

Does anybody else struggle with giving exact change? The moment I go for those little coins my wallet shrinks to Barbie size, and my fingers grow as fat and uncoordinated as a baby's. I find myself apologizing, my hands are shaking, and I’m pretty sure the little old lady behind me is getting annoyed.

 Thing is, exact change gets no respect. I know, because I was born to a coin disrespector.

A floor covered in perfectly good money. Disrespect!
My father hates coins. Specifically pennies. I have witnessed, on more than one occasion, this man throw pennies from a moving vehicle. Pennies shooting out a car window at 60 mph ya'll! He’s probably thrown away $100 in his lifetime. Rude.

 But I love exact change. I love coins, especially quarters. I love turning over the exact amount (sidenote: lately all my transactions have been costing $xx.26. How weird is that? Should I be playing that number in lotto or something?)

My love for change started as a savvy young teen. It's back to school time, I've got no job, but a craving for all the high fashion Delia's can offer. This, right here, was a conundrum.

Ever the businesswoman, I spotted pools of money just laying around the house, big buckets brimming with potential (and Delia's clothes).

So I cut my mom a deal - let me get at that loose change ma. She did me one better - for however much I wrapped, she would match me. The naive woman thought that I'd lose interest, that I didn't have what it took to wrap all the change in the house.

Ha! Don't doubt me lady. I spent that summer on a coin-rolling spree, sometimes using machines, but mostly moving my deft fingers over piles of money, forcing them into little brown paper cylinders. I couldn't be stopped.

And at the end?

Nearly $400 in change was laying around my house.

The moral of the story - never bet a kid bent on Delia's.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Cows love jazz

Found this via the very excellent The Kid Should See This, which I have found is full of interestingness that I should see too.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

9 things you need to know right now.

Holy shit I'm back.

Thank god.

That was a particularly painful bout of laziness/writer's block/business. 

1. I turned 28 on 11/11/11. And I was so proud of myself for not passing out or puking. And all my friends were really great. And turtle got me a king cake all the way from Louisiana. And then I threatened everyone's life that they better give me the baby or else. And then turtle got the baby, and I snatched it out of his hand and claimed victory for myself. 

I'm truly a joy.

I woke up to this for 3 days. Heaven.

2. I went to Mexico. Stayed in a rustic little bungalow. Swam in a cenote (though I was scared as hell). Hung out with hippies and turtles' parents. Good times had by all. 

3. I have all these revelations about getting older. My favorite question to ask people these days: is this what you thought being an adult would feel like? It's kinda good/scary/amazing, and empowering to think I'm (somewhat) in control. I think about the 11 year old girl who dreamed about getting to this place. I try to make her proud.

4. I got a promotion. Whoot woot. Associate editor (comma social. No really. They made that up) ya'll. I'm a writing ass bitch. 

You better birth!

5. Those bitches at Facebook removed a photo of a woman giving birth that I posted on my job's FB page. I fucking hate Facebook, and when it dies, I will dance on its grave. 
(Until then, I will continue to hate it while refusing to actually shut down my account because of it's ubiquity, and yes, some minimal blog traffic.)

6. I'm kind of obsessing about working out. 6 days a week. And I think about blogging it a lot, but then I'm all like, wait, people expect this from me, so if I give them that, will they be mad? But then I'm all like, wait no one reads your blog anyway. Fart into the jar at your leisure. 
I'm doing body for life (kinda, I didn't buy the book, and ignore the food, but follow the hiit/weight training pattern), and it's surprisingly manageable. I think I just like the feeling of being in control, and the endorphins. One day I will tell you my tragic story of growing up baby fat. Let me tell you this - you can get the fat out of the girl, but you can't get the fat girl out of the non-fat girl... wait. That didn't work out the way I had hoped.
Viral bitch. 

7. One of my pins on Pinterest went viral the other week, and it's basically the biggest thing that has happened to me on the internet since Levar Burton started following me on Twitter. 
I keep talking about it at work, my boss is polite enough not to roll her eyes to my face. Such a nice lady. 

8. This video reminds me of how I say "you better work" in my head to women on the street who are dressed especially cute. And when I'm feeling bad about myself, I imagine someone, somewhere, is silently saying it to me. 

9. I'm going to Thailand in 13 days. OHEMGEE.


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