Friday, March 29, 2013

WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE


Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement from Bless Bless Productions on Vimeo.

Why wouldn't you let 2 nice old ladies get married? What type of heartless asshole would say "no old ladies, though ya'll are very cute and adorable and love each other very much and one of you is about to DIE so it doesn't really matter anyway, we won't let you legally declare what you've basically been doing for the past 45 years."
There are much more important things - the fact that we're killing the planet on which we live, so all of these futile arguments we have won't matter if we all die due to our own selfish wants, the fact that we are killing each other at such astonishing rates that we've become indifferent to murder as a whole, the fact that we have these rampant incurable diseases tearing down whole communities at astonishing rates, the fact that compassion has been demoted as a universal practice - that we as a kind should be debating than whether two consenting adults can sign a piece of paper and file taxes together. Give me a fucking break. Stop wasting my time stupid lawmakers and legalize gay marriage already so we can get back to shit that actually matters. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

An Open Letter To This Cold Ass Weather


Dear Winter,

Will you fuck off already?? Seriously.
You've been hanging around too long, don't you have some other hemisphere to harass? And you've basically made a liar out of one of America's most loved 4 legged mammals,* leaving me to believe he's better suited to line my boots than predict the weather. That's not nice, but winter, it's your fault. You're making me a bitch. Seriously. Go away. It's not funny, you're not funny, you're ugly, your breath stinks, and no one likes you.
Ok, that was harsh. I mean, you're cool and all, and I'm sure that I'd be sad (or creeped out) if you didn't show up one year. And as a child of mother nature, I guess you have as much of a right as anyone to do your thang.
But honestly, after March, you need to move the fuck on. I'm serious. Take your high wind flakey ass back to wherever the fuck you dwell.

 Bye bitch

*Ed Note: Ya'll really need to read the article in the link, because Punxsutawney Phil's reputation is in jeopardy to the extent that a Ohio lawyer suggested he get murked, but I was just joking in the above. His handler however... FINISH HIM.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Things That I Love And Hate About The Subway

I Love:
Watching the people who read over other people's shoulders
The dude who yells back door on the bus
People who dance to the music in their headphones
Reading over other people's shoulders
Getting a nap in on a long ride
Watching people head nod while sleeping
Guessing what stop people will get off at
Making funny faces at babies
The kids who breakdance
Watching people watch other people

I Hate:
When people hold the doors
When people don't hold the doors for me
The mariachi band
The African drummers
People who sing to their music
When people read over my shoulder
When people sleep lean on my shoulder
People who don't wait for others to get off before getting on the train

Friday, March 22, 2013

(Otherwise Known As Me This Morning...)


It's Friday. Let's dance!

Monday, March 18, 2013

Things I Will Ask You When We Hang Out

1. Is this what you thought being an adult was like?
2. Who would you rather: Beyonce or Rihanna
3. Do you think Rick Ross has that work?
4. How did Lil' Wayne get all those pretty women? And does it have anything to do with the fact that he's always rapping about eating pussy?
5. Is it weird that Lil' Wayne is always rapping about eating pussy?
6. Do you watch Big Bang theory?


Answer key (cause yes, there are correct answers to further our friendship): 1. If you don't remember your childhood interpretation of adulthood, we can't be friends. 2. If you answer Beyonce, I'm always going to feel like we haven't exactly connected. 3. If you say yes, I like your sense of imagination, because let's be real, the answer is no. 4. There is no logical answer to this question, and if you try to make one, then I'm going to assume that you too would fuck Lil' Wayne, in which case, um... I admire your honesty, but no. 5. The correct answer is yes, it is slightly weird. 6. If you answer yes, GTFO out of my face, my life, and off my blog. That's the worse show created, and your sense of humor is ass. 

Friday, March 15, 2013

In Which Things Get A lot Weirder, In A Totally Good Way




Famous Farrah Ep 2!!

I fucking love the sister, because she is insane. 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

THIS BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY



Nothing like an old white man who unexpectedly and impressively busts a move. Word to David Gregory.

Found via cult days.

Friday, March 8, 2013

A Haiku For Nick Offerman


Your bushy moustache
Is filled with talent and love
And hope for mankind

"We were hanging out in Austin [shooting Somebody Up There Likes Me], and we would sit around watching So You Think You Can Dance, because his wife, Megan Mullally, who he is 100 percent obsessed with — I've never seen a man who's been married for, like, fifteen years, he's obsessed with her, so madly in love with her — so we would sit around together watching So You Think You Can Dance, because she was coaching or a guest judge on it, so he could talk to her about it. She would call right after the episode, and he would talk to her about how it got edited, if she said anything helpful to the dancers, all of that stuff ... Honestly, of any couple I've ever met, that's the couple I admire most. I've actually never met a couple that supportive and that passionate. I want what they have."

Jess Weixler on co-star Nick Offerman's (aka Ron Swanson, the best man alive) never ending love for his wife Via Vulture

I recently saw Offerman perform and yes - this man really fucking loves his wife a whole fucking much.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Treat Yo Self


It's a lifestyle.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Romantic Movie Lies That Need To End

Wash hair
Paint toenails
Sleeping with hair out
Waking up looking fresh

Friday, March 1, 2013

WTF OMG YES

Via Zooborns:
This tiny baby Mouse Deer was born on Valentines Day at the Berlin Zoo. It fits perfectly into a man's hand. These shy animals are actually are the smallest hoofed mammals in the world, and are members of the animal family that includes pigs, antelopes, sheep, goats, and hippos! This baby will grow to a maximum weight of only about 5 pounds (2.5 kg) in adulthood, and its legs will be no bigger than the circumference of a pencil!
And when I seen you, I known there is a God. I Known there is a God.

Props to god for creating such an adorably strange hybrid animal. Made my muthafuckin day. Now where's my miniature elephant??? 

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