A Wink & A Gun

Post-Apocalyptic Panda

2012-01-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

Wastelander Panda Prologue from Epic Films on Vimeo. I'm so glad to know there are equally weird people out there interested in personifying animals. Also: How fucking sad is this?? Stop killing mother earth you jerks. A day when a panda walks upright through the desert is no day at all.

Celebrity Sleepover

2012-01-28T12:00:00.000-05:00

Oh, this is brilliant.

Could have been me: man donates 80 hamsters

2012-01-26T11:30:00.000-05:00

You'd be surprised how many images show up when you google "hamster party." The man, whose name was not released, estimated he had about 80 hamsters in his apartment. He did not own a car and planned to take them to the animal shelter in a cab, said Mike Keiley, director of Nevins Family Adoption Center. He started out with just two, a male and a female he bought from a pet store and

Go ahead, take a nap

2012-01-24T11:30:00.000-05:00

via patioproductions.com My favorite hobby, justified. FTMFW!

Tales from the hood: When feral cats attack

2012-01-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

Ed note: I don't necessarily live in the "hood" hood, but it is common knowledge that every single block in NYC is hood-ish. This is what happens to you when you're the girl who equally loves and hates cats: A pack of feral cats moves in outside your bedroom window. In your backyard. They meow bloody murder at all times of night, worrying your mind with the dark and vicious scenarios

I before E, except after fuck you

2012-01-18T12:00:00.000-05:00

I can't spell recieve to save my life. If someone put a gun to my head, and said spell recieve, I'd pull the trigger for them. As a writer, this frustrates me to no end. Fuck that I before E rule, and fuck the English language for being so damn complicated for no particular reason.

The 7 things I learned in Thailand

2012-01-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

Some idyllic island off the west coast of Thailand. I'm huffing laundry. Long deep drags on dirty bathing suits, sundresses, and t-shirts. They smell like sand, salt water, bug spray and chlorine. I miss Thailand. 7 Eleven in the Copenhagen airport. Lesson #1: 7 Eleven is everywhere There might be 1 in Manhattan, that's about it. But there are EVERYFUCKINGWHERE else. Mexico. Thailand.

Quarters, nickels, dimes, pennies for everyone!

2011-12-21T09:00:00.000-05:00

My type of cat Does anybody else struggle with giving exact change? The moment I go for those little coins my wallet shrinks to Barbie size, and my fingers grow as fat and uncoordinated as a baby's. I find myself apologizing, my hands are shaking, and I’m pretty sure the little old lady behind me is getting annoyed. Thing is, exact change gets no respect. I know, because I was born to a

Cows love jazz

2011-12-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

Found this via the very excellent The Kid Should See This, which I have found is full of interestingness that I should see too.

9 things you need to know right now.

2011-12-14T11:00:00.000-05:00

Holy shit I'm back. Thank god. That was a particularly painful bout of laziness/writer's block/business. 1. I turned 28 on 11/11/11. And I was so proud of myself for not passing out or puking. And all my friends were really great. And turtle got me a king cake all the way from Louisiana. And then I threatened everyone's life that they better give me the baby or else. And then turtle got the

The best viral video since Sneezing Panda Baby

2011-11-10T16:26:00.001-05:00

I love this video more than David Gregory Dancing to Mary J. Blige. I love this video more that drunk Ewoks on the Today Show. I love this video more than the sneezing panda baby. It is THAT DEEP. Herein lies one of the best videos to hit the internet like, ever. I wish these two kids many talk show appearances and maybe a commercial. Let's do a play by play, shall we? 0:06

Things you can get me for my birthday

2011-11-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

My birthday is Friday. That's right, 11-11-11. What have ya'll been doing with your lives?! I know everyone is hard-pressed to find me something fabulous. I'mma do you a solid bro - here's some shit at the top of my list: 1. Groucho Marx glasses - I've been thinking a lot about Shock G and singing the humpty hump in my head lately. I feel like he'd have interesting things to say, like if

A very scary Halloween

2011-11-01T09:00:00.000-04:00

What is love? I can’t take it. Kim and Kris broke up (a thing that has really caused me reconsider the culpability of celebrities, and I worked in reality TV!), and then these guys went and pulled a doppelganger like that couple I posted last week. Ohh this is so creepy! This might be the scariest Halloween ever. It's embarrassing how disturbed I am by the K&K breakup. I mean, okay I'll

When love makes you do crazy things

2011-10-24T08:30:00.000-04:00

The Ballad of Genesis and Lady Jaye // Trailer from Marie Losier on Vimeo. Oh I find this extremely fascinating. This is merely an extreme version of taking up a hobby for your boo, learning to love the things they love – it’s all essentially an effort to meld together. I have this idea of love being this magnetism of self-improvement, where each spends a lifetime pulling, pushing, and

Please stop humiliating your pets

2011-10-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

I don't know if this dog could have given a bigger cry for help if he was found passed out with an empty bottle of xanax. When the animal revolution comes, I want them to know that I was a sympathizer.

Semi-useless talent: How to draw a panda

2011-10-13T08:00:00.000-04:00

I like to leave pictures of animals on post-it notes for my work best friend, emilycat. Thusly, I tried to learn how to draw a panda. Doing it right: Doing it wrong: My homicidal pandas. Nothing is as easy as it looks online :(

What I'm obsessed with right now: The death of a gangster

2011-10-11T08:30:00.000-04:00

via nymag.com I've been known to watch this show and start chanting (a la Wu Tang) "Gustavo Fring ain't nothin to fuck wit!" Giancarlo Esposito is the reason I started to watch (and subsequently became OBSESSED with) Breaking Bad. The storyline is a fantastical mix of reality and absurdity, believable craziness that leaves me yelling at the end of each episode "what the fuck!?! That was crazy

Nobody wants your mom jeans

2011-10-07T08:00:00.000-04:00

LOLZ. Though I have to say, I can't stand that actress who plays the daughter. She was really obnoxious in that Toyota Venza commercial (which again featured her being somewhat of an asshole daughter). What's with her and the parentals anyway?

Eat it: Portabella Mushroom Bake

2011-10-04T08:30:00.000-04:00

Sorry if this picture isn't sexy enough for you. I promise, this is good food. Here it is - my first recipe post! *cue drums* dun-dun-dun-dun-dun fanfarefanfarefanfarefanfare! Get excited people. You will enjoy this. What you should know - this vegetarian! Nay, vegan even. But do not be intimidated, dear meat eaters. Herein lies juicy deliciousness, of which I've confirmed with both

Animal news: All your pets are fat

2011-09-29T08:00:00.000-04:00

Your dog can't say no to seconds. Your cat is an emotional eater. Eating is the only way your hamster feels loved. Bad for your pets, but great for my entertainment. Over half of U.S. pets are over weight and it's an EPIDEMIC... of hilarity. I know, health is serious, blah blah, but fat pets just entertain me. Filing a wrongful termination suit against the local fire department. He's got

National Sisters Day

2011-09-26T08:30:00.000-04:00

The knock-knee'd days. And the only time in life when my sister was bigger than me. There are two lies my sister Mimi told me when we were little: 1. Clear ocean water is dirty, cloudy ocean water is clean. 2. Never chew gum on the toilet, because bad things will happen. I believed these two things for a very long time. It took me an equal amount of time to really

What I'm Obsessed with Right Now

2011-09-22T08:00:00.000-04:00

1. Pinterest Oh this is my happy place. Tuck me in a don't let me go. Pictures of food, far away lands, quotes to build you up, little animals to make you laugh. Pinterest has sustained me these past few weeks, a place I could go to unplug and dream about warm homecooked meals, crafts done with care, and beautiful places I might someday go. I'm obsessed. Follow me! Sofrito chicken stew.

The cutest old people ever

2011-09-19T08:00:00.000-04:00

Did I tell ya'll my 76 year old Granny joined Facebook? And "the Twitter"? And has a red convertible? And a boyfriend? Yea, she's a sassy old biddy.

Lions aren't sassy

2011-09-16T07:33:00.000-04:00

I spent yesterday night watching new TV shows on Hulu. In short: Up All Night - Yay! New Girl - Oh Zooey. I'm really not sure about you, but ok. Free Agents - Nice try, probably not. However, best line of the night has to go the Natasha Leggero of Free Agents, who plays an administrative assistant with a lot of attitude. When her boss, played by Hank Azaria, asks her to turn down the "sass,"

Internet meme defined: The Eli Porter documentary

2011-07-26T09:00:00.004-04:00

People's Champion: Behind the Battle from Trent Babbington on Vimeo. This doc is legit. I love how they tell the story few people ever thought to wonder about. Much respect to Eli Porter.

Babies are planking, so now it's over

2011-07-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

Look what you did. I mean really, now some kid has to look back at photos when their dumb ass parent thought it'd be fun to plant them face down on a surface and post the picture online?? Someone even started a website dedicated to the tiny tot version of this international idiotry. If they get a book deal, we're all going to hell, in a hand basket, with gasoline draws on. So now, planking

ALERT: Cats with guns

2011-07-12T17:53:00.000-04:00

Sigh, the good die young.

My 72 hour juice cleanse: Day 3

2011-06-30T12:23:00.000-04:00

Things you should know about doing a juice cleanse: 1. Try drinking a green juice (cucumbers, spinach, kale, etc) before you start. Though the green monster never got "good" to me, per se, I think my previous experience with green juices made it easier for me to drink. It takes a baby about 13 taste tests before they really decide whether or not they like a certain food. I'm pretty sure

My 72 hour juice cleanse: Day 2

2011-06-29T13:09:00.000-04:00

Gulps of juice drank